PETA HAS GEORGE CLOONEY SWEATING

George Clooney

The people for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) are sweating over a new idea to turn George Clooney's perspiration into a tofu flavor. PETA president Ingrid E. Newkirk has written to the Hollywood actor and asking him for his permission to market CloFu. The very crazy idea came about after Newkirk was offered a vial of handsome George's sweat, apparently taken from a gym towel he used during a recent trip to Washington, D.C. Not sure what to do with the sample, Newkirk took it to PETA's scientists, who assured her it could be scrumptious. In her letter to Clooney, the president writes, "The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney-flavored tofu. We could do that and give the tofu away. "Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu, but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don't try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn't know how to cook it. CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table."Taste expert Dr. Harry Lawless of Cornell University insists the idea is not as far-fetched as it sounds: "It is no different than making artificial chicken flavor for instant gravy." PETA spokeswoman Amanda Schinke says, "We believe CloFu would be delicious on its own or served over rice with a light soy sauce and sauteed collards, in a casserole with melted vegan cheese and olives, or perhaps pressed with vegan pesto in a panini." But Clooney's initial response isn't all that encouraging. In a statement through his representative, the star says, "As a mammal, I'm offended."